Appointments and Self-Loathing


We had dentist appointments today, the kids and I.

The last time we went, about 6 months ago, it was a wonderful experience. Instead of laughing and carrying on, they were pleasantly well-behaved, minus some joking, which came out of That Kid’s mouth. He seems unable to see the imaginary line that borders socially appropriate interaction and steps over it on a regular basis.

Before, instead of being a nuisance, the kids were loved on by office staff, who seemed to be milling about in greater abundance. The staff walked them trough the halls, assisted in choosing prizes, and even went as far as to paint the girl’s nails after their cleanings. Today, however, the kids were always underfoot and in the way. There was too many of us in too tight a space, and it didn’t help that the kids kept trying to throw balls and tip each others chairs over for sport.


And as I was decompressing this afternoon, attempting to shake away the stress from the morning, I realized one of the reasons that I hate appointments so much. They seem like a hassle and an inconvenience, because I either have to find someone to watch the kids in the middle of a workday, or I have to drag their ornery butts along with me. The latter is definitely worse.

But even more then that, and with the dentist in particular, I find that I often leave feeling like a failure.

My teeth were okay this time, minus the cavities I neglected to fill after the last appointment, and I even got a “teeth look good, mom!” I had six months to get those cavities filled, and I guess that wasn’t quite enough time. My daughter has ones that need filled, too.

And then there’s That Kid. His mouth is always the worst, which, sadly, is no surprise. It’s part of the whole persona he has going on. Pretty much every time, he needs a new cavity filled, and today, they mentioned baby root canals and temporary crowns. Like somehow we are made of money and have extra just lying around to shove in his mouth. For baby teeth.

Hours later, it’s not only my gums that are still throbbing from the aggressive flossing but my bruised ego, as well.

My siblings and I never had cavities growing up, and my son has had close to 10. His sister isn’t far behind. Inside my anxious mind, things like cavities can become a method by which I measure my effectiveness in motherhood.

Maybe I should’ve helped him brush more, I think.

Maybe I should’ve at least watched him each night.

Maybe I should’ve taken dental floss more seriously.

Maybe I should’ve demonstrated how to properly brush one’s teeth. Again.

Maybe I should’ve just done it myself (which sounds torturous, by the way).

Maybe then this appointment would’ve been better.

And I wouldn’t feel so crappy now.

Cavities are decay, and they will eventually bring death if left untreated. But death in the mouth is contained there, and it needn’t permeate the entirety of motherhood. It needn’t define it.

I’m going to try to remember that today, especially while I make the damn appointment to get those cavities filled.

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4 thoughts on “Appointments and Self-Loathing

  1. The appointments…all the appointments…

    I never had any cavaties either and two of my kids teeth have had multiple cavities, even holes where basically half the tooth is rotted away. (Seriously, how does this happen?!?) Anymore I just asked them to pull a tooth if it’s bad enough, and a baby tooth, rather than fill it or do any of that other stuff.

    Don’t beat yourself up. There’s so much stuff out there that is out of our control even when we take precautions. Kids have access to lots more sugar and who knows what else these days that we never even know about.

    My favorite dentist story is when I’m lying in the chair and the hygenist says, “Oh! When is your baby due?!?” I smiled and said, “He’s about two months old”

    Way to go for getting them all scheduled, there, and back. It’s quite the accomplishment really!


    1. Ah, yes, the holes… That’s how the whole cavity saga started in the beginning. He ended up having that one pulled, and we will probably do the same with these other two. That was my first question to the hygienist–can’t we just pull it out instead?!?! Sheesh.

      And I can’t believe they asked when your baby was due! Ahh!! 😦 There are some things you just don’t say. Ever.

      But thanks–I should definitely focus more on the small victories and rest there.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks for the reminder about the appointments though. I have no idea what kids need what. It’s usually October/November before I actually get their school forms turned in.

        Liked by 1 person

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